me:  HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER

and told me to text him.

 Dennis:  what did he look like.

oh man.. if he was black…

you would be all up at the gym in like a crop top..

 Dennis:  if he wasn’t a creep.. i wouldn’t worry about it..

shit like that is going to happen at the gym..

 me:  yeah. not a creep at all.

which is what bugs me

 Dennis:  haha

 me:  plus, second to da club, the gym is the worst place to meet someone.

 Dennis:  maybe he just attracted to gorgeous women…

of african america descent, trapped in a stumpy asian girl body…

 me:  hahahah

i tried so hard not to make a dick joke.

 Dennis:  haha

 me:  i wanted to… hoping he’d leave me alone, but i felt like he was genuinely helping me

 Dennis:  yea i mean whatever…

you can’t be so weirded out by people..

 er rather.. not change what you would do on account of them..

 me:  i mean, i was super awkward the entire time.

i think he found that amusing.

 Dennis:  some people like that..

example.. all of selena’s boyfriends…

 me:  like asking him if he was going to kill me

or if he has a person waiting in the parking lot to fight me

 Dennis:  ahha like some other asian girl he has been training..

 me:  yeah.

 Dennis:  that would be cool.

 me:  ahahah what!

 Dennis:  you don’t think that you being in the underground world or asian girl fights would be cool?

 me:  he said all girls should know how to defend themselves and said he taught his sister the hard way

and i asked if he beat the shit out of her

and he was like “no, i have never raised a hand on a girl and any man that does is a little bitch”

and said it quite passionately

 Dennis:  ahha

while rubbing one off in front of you?

Dennis:  i think the slightly short front hemline would be flattering on you..
and give you more coverage for your fat ass..
and since your dick is so small it won’t run the risk of showing in the front.

Dennis:  well i was thinking.. we could also get cardboard cutout of ourselves…
me:  hahahahah
Dennis:  that would be funny housewarming gifts..
if we mailed cutout of ourselves…
and like we go and visit them and it’s clear they’ve taken yours to the shooting range…
me:  hahaa
i’m all shot in the penis
Dennis:  and aimed for your tiny dick..
SHHAHA
YEA
me:  since it’s the smallest target

On “Arrow” (the tv show we know enough of nothing about)

me: anyway, i was just surprised it lasted a single season.

Dennis:  oh ahha

i don’t think it got renewed…

me:  “On February 11, 2013, Arrow was renewed for a second season, and will premiere in October 2013.”

Dennis:  DANG..

wishful thinking…

me:  hahah

Dennis:  i was basing that off of zero knowledge..

just seeing what it would be like to make decisions like you…

me:  hahah

mine’s slightly different from what you said.

it’s not that i have zero knowledge.

i’m presented with facts and i make up my own conclusions and state them as facts.

Dennis:  haha

me:  hrm… reading that back to myself… i sound crazy

Dennis:  oh right..

you are..

Dennis:  i have a bag for every parked car you’ve hit…

 

 

p.s. dennis has a lot of bags.

Dennis:  can you imagine…
Dennis:  you killing my parents..
me:  OMG. i don’t even want to think about that
Dennis:  just becuae you were trying to show off your pepperoni nipples to the cops…
me:  hahahaahah calling them doctor officers.
Dennis:  but like somehow you survive..
despite the fact that you were standing out of the sunroof… steering with your dick…
Dennis:  that’s so terrible..stay away from my parents..

me:  i think i said this before…
i want people to remember my wedding as more of a party than a wedding
Dennis:  “i just farted”
oh that…
me:  “man, angela’s party was really fun”
Dennis:  ahha so like no one gets you any gifts…
me:  hahahaha, j lo’s “on the floow” just started playing…
“angela got married?”
Dennis:  “who’s angela?”
me:  “is that why simon was crying?”
Dennis:  “at home, becuase angela forgot to invite him”
Sent at 1:10 PM on Monday
me:  “but it was a good party though”
Sent at 1:11 PM on Monday
Dennis:  “where are we?”
“how do we get home?”
“what year is it ?”
Sent at 1:12 PM on Monday
me:  “i must have seen angela’s butthole like five times”
Sent at 1:14 PM on Monday
me:  this converstaion makes me feel like my wedding already happened.
Dennis:  haha
just because people have seen your butthole, you think that you are married..
well news flash… you have been married, like so MANY TIMES..